In all ages unequal marriages existed. Usually, the word “mesalliance” was understood to mean the inequality between spouses by age or position in society. True, earlier it was more often than not stories where a man is older than a woman, and more recently – and when a woman is older than a man.
Usually well-known in the community are stories, when such unions are short or unhappy. Therefore, it seems that such families are at risk. And those uneven-aged couples who have everything in order, live for themselves and enjoy their life, each other, with the world within themselves and with the acceptance of the world around them! They do not shine on screens, do not “advertise” themselves in glossy magazines, and therefore are less noticeable.
Despite the uniqueness of each pair, psychologists still assert that there are secrets common for all unequal marriages, allowing such families to turn out to be happy.
The balance between “giving” and “taking”
One of the important conditions of well-being in family relations is the balance of “giving” and “taking”. When a man and a woman understand that they can give each other, appreciate this contribution, accept it with love and gratitude, then it is possible to create a harmonious union and happy relationships, even if people in the pair differ greatly in age or social status.
What can a man give to a woman? The sense of security expressed in the structure of the social sphere protects the territory, brings the “mammoth”, cares that every member of the family has everything necessary for life and development, the recognition of her only, admiration for her beauty at any age.
What does a woman give to a man? Feeling of peace, gratitude, admiration, pleasure from the fruits of his work, maintaining its importance and significance. It creates an atmosphere for rest and development of all members of the family, ennobles the territory, feeds, cares for each member of the family to be warm, satisfying, joyful and interesting.
With the accomplishment of these roles, couples, in which a man is much older than a woman and more wealthy than her, do an excellent job. When on the contrary, the balance is often broken. Now many women themselves are able to provide themselves financially, while they are leading a house and are engaged in the development of their children. What is left for the man in this case? What can a man give to such a woman and vice versa? Does she have enough kindness, affection, cordiality, lightness, so that a man can reborn to life, to new victories in communicating with her and in her arms.
And than he can conquer it? Usually, when a woman does not leave a place for a man, he finds entertainment on the side, goes to the garage, to the bar or finds a woman ready to give everything to him, into his mighty hands.
If one of the spouses gets much more than what deserves, more than what the self can give, his soul begins to ache. He becomes nervous, irritated, angry, can do everything to spite the partner, go into a binge, start drinking or changing, rude, behave asocially. And this is natural: he can not cope with the fact that he receives more than he can give in return.
Relationships in a pair are formed when a man and a woman recognize each other as different, but at the same time equal partners. despite the difference in age or social status.
Sex “with experience”
An important advantage of unequal marriages is a harmonious and happy sex life in such pairs. Under one condition: if for both, the choice of partner is sincere, involved in passion and admiration, and not in a sober calculation. Use or love, that’s the question!
In the event that a man is much older than his partner, he feels next to her the feeling that he himself was younger. He wants to take everything from life! And if in recent years or decades his sex was not bright enough, then, most likely, he has accumulated desires and fantasies that can be realized with a young partner, tuned to bright emotions.
In addition, men in their ages are more romantic. When the sexual component weakens, an erotic attraction comes to life. Courtship, gifts, flowers – all this allows the man to adjust to the right way. In men, the agitation is slower, and they are more inclined to love games and long erotic caresses. They are not threatened with premature ejaculation, which sometimes affects young people.
Fortunately, with the latest progress in pharmacology, the problems in the sexual sphere are gradually receding into the background. Such drugs as Viagra successfully cope with the problems of erection, and Dapoxetine which also known as Priligy with problems of premature ejaculation. If a couple has difficulty with the psychological sphere, it is better to seek advice from a specialist of the appropriate profile.
For a young woman, all these are the best conditions for the full disclosure of her sexuality. An experienced man will give her much more pleasure than a young coeval.
If the man is very old, then often he is ready to give everything he has left, just to enjoy every second of happiness and not be tormented by superfluous doubts. This philosophical attitude to life is worth learning to everyone!
Matching the basic roles of men and women
Despite the fact that we are all different, men and women in pairs have several basic, basic needs. And if they are not satisfied, then the marriage is destroyed, even if there are no aggravating circumstances, such as inequality in age and social status.
About the need for tenderness, romance, and sexual satisfaction, we have already said. Another woman’s need is for the honesty and openness of the spouse.
A woman needs the truth, both in everyday affairs and in emergency cases, both in small things and in large cases. If a man hides information or deceives, his reliability for a woman is destroyed. A woman begins to feel insecure.
A man’s need consists in the physical attractiveness of his wife. This need has two aspects. The first is the opportunity to present an attractive woman to society as a wife. The second aspect – in a man’s love relationship, it is difficult for a man to value his wife only for his spiritual qualities.
Another basic need is for women – to be listened to, interested in and emotionally responsive to what the spouse shares. In contrast, a man has a rather high need for a wife to be a good companion for rest and entertainment. Here it is worth considering how much older married couples are ready to listen to their young companions. And how mature, held women are ready to get involved in the entertainment of the partner: go to rock concerts, hikes, watch football or jump with a parachute.
Another couple of needs looks like this: a woman needs enough money, a man – in a home comfort. You say that both are utopia? Money is never enough, and a tranquil home cosiness is “colored” by screaming children or elderly relatives. But there is still a need for it, and you still need to strive for what you want if you want to build a prosperous stable relationship.
Finally, it is important for a woman that a man be a good father and an example to follow. The man needs admiration.
A man wants to be proud of himself and admiration should be distinguished from assessments. “You’re good, you’re cool, you’re the best” – this is an assessment. Admiration can also be expressed through the feeling that a man’s behavior causes in a woman. For example, “I rejoice when I see how you do it”, “I’m pleased when you are beautifully dressed”, “I admire you and feel support when you protect me in anything.” The most important thing is that you need to admire with sincerity, from the bottom of the heart. Let it be something small and insignificant, but what causes true positive emotions.
The principle of gradual increase in love
Harmonious exchange between partners is based on the balance of what each of them invests in their union. If one of the partners has something – emotions, feelings, material attachments – gives with love, then the other accepts.
“The need for balance forces him to return something equivalent from an energy point of view,” says psychologist Galina Belyanina. “But because of his love, he returns a little more than he received.” The same thing happens with the other. He returns a little more, out of affection for a partner. Thus, the exchange grows, and happiness is added. Here is the basic principle of happiness, it is simple.
Unequal marriage, if only it is not a farce or an advertising trick, is a very serious step, psychologists warn. People who are free from prejudice, who are not afraid to look deep into themselves and take risks, are solved on it. And maybe, and give everything for the sake of happiness, no matter how short it may be.
And then a miracle happens: loving people build cheerful, hopeful plans, boldly acquire children, together strive for goals, beyond any age dependence. Where true love lives, everything is possible! Do not be afraid to be happy!